Today is a dark day.
I don't know why, but I have started questioning every career path decision I made at my previous employer. Where did I go wrong? Why was I so badly positioned that I was one of the 10% to go?
There were moments when I was advised to take a different direction, and I resisted. Then, when I realized my mistake, and asked to change, I was refused.
And so the inner voices have been berating me, blathering on about mistakes and screw ups and blame. It's like an orchestra of mean people creating a cacophony of criticism.
Part of me doesn't want to go back there, but part of me does. A big part of me misses my colleagues who had become sorta-kinda-friends.
But most of all, the it-always-has-to-be-an-A-grade part of me is standing on a high tower, holding a big bullhorn and screeching "FAILURE!" across the skies.
Deep inside, I know it isn't true. But, just for today, it feels like it is.