Ittybittycrazy

You see: A cute kid with her Dad saying hello to a doggie and playing ball with him

Dog Owner sees: Impending doom

Why: Dog Owner knows that if the stupid kid doesn't let go of the ball soon and keeps waving it in front of Dog's face, Dog is going to snatch it out of her hand and only fate can tell whether or not his teeth will make contact with her juicy little fingers and then the Dad will be mad and Dog Owner will have to grab Dog and say sorry and hope and pray that this doesn't turn into a lawsuit.

You see: A cute squirrel

Dog Owner sees: Medical bills

Why: Dog and Squirrel are arch enemies. Dog believes Squirrel should be crunched to death in its jaws. Squirrel believes Dog can be thwarted by simpy staring him down. Therefore, Squirrel just sits in the tree with hypno eyes. This means that Dog will bound forward, leash or no leash. At best, more visits to the massage therapist for your shoulder. At worst, you hit the deck and it's the chiropractor.

You see: Disgusting dirty tennis ball left on the sidewalk

Dog Owner sees: A free prize!

Why: Dog owner can say "Whassat? Whassat?" to Dog and witness his joy as he finds, and grabs, the tennis ball, tail high, wagging effusively.

You see: A hygiene crime

Dog Owner sees: Practicality

Why: Dog Owner has taken Dog for a long walk. All the water fountains are too high for dog and dont have sprays that are strong enough to go over the fountain and reach the floor. Therefore, Dog Owner has to buy a bottle of water at the pharmacy and share it with Dog. Dog Owner loves Dog, sees Dog panting and so lets Dog drink first. Dog Owner pours water into their palm and Dog laps it. Dog's tongue may touch the rim of the bottle. Dog Owner is thirsty too and figures that, hell, this aint that different from when I let Dog kiss me, so wipes off the edge of the water bottle and has a drink themselves. It's just more practical that way.

You see: Two dogs sniffing each other and then starting to growl and bark... how cute!

Dog Owner sees: Dead Dog

Why: Dog Owner knows that it is impossible to predict how two dogs will react to each other. Both may be docile and friendly yet not with each other. They may be friends, have play dates, but just have a problem with each other that particular day. Any inkling of things getting out of control is scary - very scary.

You see: A tennis court in the park with people playing on a nice summer's day

Dog Owner sees: A test of dog training

Why: For Dog, tennis ball has one function only: prey. The fact that humans are hitting them around is just a bonus - prey with game. Getting Dog to walk past tennis court without going completely insane is going to be very difficult. Dog Owner instantly regrets not having spent more time training Dog.

You see: Kids playing frisbee in the park

Dog Owner sees: A test of dog training + potential law suit.

Why: At least a tennis court has a fence around it.