This is a Silent Evil update, specially requested by my dear friend, EverywhereEventually.
"Squat like a Sumo and then pull up a weight to my chest?
Are you insane?"
"Flap my arms like a chicken?
Are you insane?"
"Balance on a ball like a Seal?
You ARE insane!"
This was Fluffy Bear's rant after our last training session.
Squats and lunges do seem to be Silent Evil's go-to exercise. They are the ice cream before she hits us with the evil toppings.
The Sumo Squat and pull was side by side, each of us holding a bar attached to different weights. Squat and hold the bar in front of you, then stand and pull it up to your chest. I timed myself so I was in synch with Fluffy Bear, but us panting and groaning in time for all the wrong reasons actually didn't turn out to be that much fun.
The Chicken move involved taking a handle of the machine, one in each hand, stepping forward with the maching behind you and then pulling your arms together in front of your chest, keeping elbows straight. It was like flapping your way through thick mud. As I progressed through my 15 reps, my lips got more pursed and my breathing out got more pronounced. I am sure that, by the 13th rep, the whoosh could have blown up Marilyn Monroe's skirt from half a mile away.
The Seal involved adopting a plank pose with hands either side of one of those big balls they have in the gym for skinny ladies to do their ab exercises on.
Silent Evil has an annoying habit of making an exercise look like a piece of cake. There she'll be, in her T-shirt and jeans, stepping effortlessly up to the ball, feet placed back behind her and lowering into a perfect plank, steady as a rock. She explained how, if you used your core and back muscles, there should be no wobbling on the ball.
Right.
We looked like we were trying to balance during an earthquake.
So she showed us how to do it again. And of course told us that soon we'd be doing push ups on the ball, and demonstrated a few. These are the moments when I look at how short and thin she is, and wonder whether I could take her down.
So off we went again.
"30 seconds..." sing-songed Silent Evil.
Wobble, wobble.
"2o seconds..."
I started vibrating from head to toe like Puppy Dog sitting in front of us when we are eating bacon.
"10 seconds! Come on my little lambs..."
I was so thrown by this last bit that I forgot the pain and suddenly she was saying we could stop.
"Did you say 'little lambs'?" I asked her.
"Yes," she said, grinning.
"Lambs to the bloody slaughter!" I scoffed.
She just smiled that soft smile.
It really does look a little evil...