• "Exhausted"


• "Not into this" and


• "Pretty crappy, actually"

And it went downhill from there.

The lowlights included:

• Silent Evil turning around and catching me yawning


• Fluffy Bear very obviously flapping the air behind my butt after I let rip and thought I'd got away with it (better still, I thought he might be blamed)


• Watching Silent Evil bring out ten - count them, ten! - of those plastic thingies that you put under a step bench to make it higher


• Fluffy Bear getting nauseous and heading up to the changing room, leaving me to suffer the torture alone.

But wait, dear viewers, that's not all. The pain comes with a free delivery of humiliation!!!

With Fluffy Bear still upstairs deciding whether or not to have a conversation on The Big White Telephone, Silent Evil made me sit on the mat, lean back, bend my knees, lift my legs, hold a weighted ball and move it from side to side.

And... I farted.

Not like the previous Silent But Violent that Fluffy Bear flapped away. No, this was one of those audible explosions, the pressure built by my abs and glutes being at max squeeze, the sound amplified by the mat's slick rubberiness.

And just when I thought things couldn't get worse... somewhere behind me, two men laughed.