That's Life - That's what straight friends are for...
After my previous post on breaking up a friend's new relationship before it's even begun, I began to muse on how I would do that to my gay friends...
Picture the scene... there we are at a trendy restaurant, dinner for four, wine opened, hors d'oeuvres in full flight, and I say...
- So.... tell us about which friends you lost when you came out...
- Has he shown you his collection of plaid shirts yet?
- Are you going with him on his annual pilgrimage to Palmyra?
- His ex told me it was a little difficult at first because of - you know - the banana shape of it, but he said all you have to do is wriggle around a little, and you can get him in eventually...
- [Sigh loudly] We used to have such nice dinners with his wife and kids back when he was married...
- I was so relieved when he finally accepted his sexuality. I have no idea why he still goes back to that church who tried to (air quotes) "cure" him...
- Of course, if you start to stay overnight at his house a lot, he's going to make you get your own Snuggie
- How did his dog react when she first met you? [No matter what the reply is, say the following...] Oh dear, that is not good. The last one she did that to only lasted 7 weeks...
- He's told you about his oral rule, right? No? It's very simple... he calls it The Cather Rule. Happy to receive, not his job to give...
- You know he hasn't changed his house one bit since he moved in six years ago? He hates redecorating!
I know, I know... no cliche left unturned...
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