[And, just by the way, BBC America news is not perfect. It's FOXified. But at least you get some more interational perspective.]

Anyway, we don't watch the news but, as we watch our favorite shows on the telly at night, we sometimes catch the teasers. Some are so, so silly that I started to write them down.

You have to understand that everything listed here is a real teaser, about 90% word for word, for the news at 11pm.

As you read these, do them in the Hollywood movie trailer voice in your mind.

• Two local women say they were sexually assaulted by ghosts. What police and a local ghosthunter have to say. At 11!


• KFC is launching a new fish sandwich! Hear why they're asking people to believe in their new venture! At 11!


• Bumpers put to the test in slow collision! You won't believe how much it could cost to repair the damage! At 11!


• How a baseball bat helped put an arson suspect behind bars! At 11!


• [Shot of a car deep in mud] At least it was a soft landing! A local driver careers off a ramp into some deep trouble! At 11!


• [Shot of trash on the street] Clean it up... or else! How the city plans to crack down on local eyesores and the people who cause them! At 11!


• It's the car they want thieves to steal! We'll take you inside a Bait car and see the Police use it to flush out thieves! At 11!


• How your driver's licence could help in the fight against Meth! At 11!


• How the Harry Potter series is helping the environment! At 11!


• The dangerous tunnels under the capital! At 11!


• What stimulates your brain more? Chocolate, or making out [snogging]? The answer may surprise you! At 11!


• Why the city's nightclubs are turning off their music and going silent! At 11!


• Our university's gymnastics team may have multiple stalkers! At 11!


• A BB gun rampage in a local city! Someone takes aim at over one hundred cars and homes! See where the trail of broken glass is leading! At 11!


• A little league player who was kicked out of the game for wearing an oxygen tank is back! Hear about the ruling that made him safe! At 11!


• How valet parking can make you a target for thieves! At 11!


• The disturbing surprise for a local family's Halloween candy! At 11!


• The law that allows teachers to have sex with older students! At 11!


• A cat survives a brutal beating! See how this touched one family so much they just had to take action. At 11!

Sometimes the national news is no better:

• Tomorrow in our series "Officer down!" we'll look at the arms race between the Police... the people trying to kill them!


• When we return... Tales from the Antarctic! What it's like bobbing for hours on the icy water, waiting for rescue!


• Mauled by an escaped tiger! The victim's final conversations with family. At 11!