Sometimes my mind wanders, and I was was thinking today - when is the absolute best and worst time to fart?
The worst:
- When you're sitting on a man's happy stick in the middle of rumpy pumpy
- When you're having a massage
- In a job interview
- In an elevator, unless it's just before you get off
- When you are in a neighboring stall to a colleague you've just said hello to as you walked into the restroom
- During the first dance at your wedding
- In a sauna
- In a long line for the restroom at a concert
- When you're in Downward Facing Dog in a yoga class
- When you are in a one on one meeting with your boss
- At a meeting with your Nutritionist, because you will then have a ten minute conversation about what exactly in your diet is causing flatulence and you will never, ever be allowed to eat pasta ever again
The best:
- When your husband is drunk and gets into bed with that look on his face
- When you are alone in the car
- In a jacuzzi
- In your husband's closet, and then close the door
- When you are walking by yourself with your dog in the park, far away from anyone
- Just after your husband did - he can't complain then, can he?
- When your silly dog is sniffing your butt
I have to stop and open the front door - I swear to God! - Puppy Dog just got inspired and farted.