Puppy Girl: Hey, big bro, what's Christmas?
Puppy Dog: It's a big dog thing. When you're older you'll understand.
Puppy Girl: Aw, come on. Tell me! You've seen it before, right?
Puppy Dog: [Indignant sniff!] Of course I have! I've seen it twice!
Puppy Girl: Wow! BOW wow wow! So tell me - what's it all about? What's it like?
Puppy Dog: Well, it's a hairless ape thing. They bring a tree that doesn't smell of anything out of a box from upstairs, and they put lights on it.
Puppy Girl: And balls! Hanging, bobbling, shiny balls!
Puppy Dog: Trust me, kid. Don't try to play with those. They're not for us.
Puppy Girl: OK, whatever. I've seen the funny smelling tree. What else happens?
Puppy Dog: Well they hang those big socks above the fire box and put stuff all over the house.
Puppy Girl! I'M NOT BLIND! I can see all that stuff. What happens on the day?
Puppy Dog: Well, there's strange white stuff called snow on the ground. It's cold and it's lots of fun because it's soft and you can run around in it and play!
Puppy Girl: Cooooooool! What else?
Puppy Dog: Well, on the big day Mama and Dada get up and take those funny boxes from under the tree. If Mama put paper around the box, she gives it to Dada. And if Dada put paper around the box, he gives it to Mama. Then they take the paper off and pretend to be happy.
Puppy Girl: What's in the boxes?
Puppy Dog: I dunno. Hairless ape stuff. Nothing insteresting. I've smelled them all - there's no food.
Puppy Girl: Booooooring. What else? What else?
Puppy Dog: Then we get new toys!
Puppy Girl: Toys? I love toys!
Puppy Dog: No kidding.
Puppy Girl: TOTALLY SICK, DUDE! What else? What else?
Puppy Dog: Then Uncle Bill comes and they open other boxes and eat a lot of food and drink that water that makes them walk silly.
Puppy Girl: Do we get food?
Puppy Dog: Just stay near the big table and be good. They seem nicer with the scraps that day.
Puppy Girl: ARFALICIOUS! I love scraps! What else? What else?
Puppy Dog: Then they sit in front of the flicker box and watch the little people. Then they eat more and drink more and that's about it. Then we go to bed. Don't walk to close to them on the way to the bedroom... they stumble a lot.
Puppy Girl: And the next day... what happens the next day?
Puppy Dog: Same thing, except no new toys. And there isn't new food... it's the food left from the day before.
Puppy Girl: So what? Even TEN day old food is good! In fact, it smells way better! Hey, are Mama and Dada are home all day?
Puppy Dog: Yep.
Puppy Girl: New toys, food, Mama and Dada home all day, fluffy white stuff to play in... IT SOUNDS DOGaTASTIC!
Puppy Dog: Well, the tree is up and the cold box has a lot of food in it, so it must be close...
Puppy Girl: Yaaaaay! Christmas is coming! Arooooooooooooooooooo!
Puppy Dog: It's gonna be fun, I have to admit.
Puppy Girl: [Bounce!] Christmas is coming! Arooooooooooooooo! Aroooooooooo!
Puppy Dog: Yes, yes. It's all very exciting. But shhhh now.
Puppy Girl: [Bounce! Bounce!] Christmas is coming! Arooooooooooooooo! AROOOOOOOOOOOO!
Puppy Dog: [Sigh.] Maybe this is why Mama always says Christmas is a headache...